The Help that's just confusing
We were warned that people in Singapore are happy to help, but that as Expats we might need to ask for it, because "expats often want to do it themselves". At the time I found that statement puzzling, but I understand it a bit better now. Here's just 2 examples of help that was offered to me, and what happened.
Example 1:
Ms.E had been walking off the MRT (Mass Rapid Transit) when she decided she couldn’t take another step!
It was a nearly empty station ( a large empty space) so when she lied down on the floor, I let her and just kept chatting with her. I knew she was tired and in a moment she’d probably get back up. It was only about 20 feet from the exit turnstiles, so the 2 security guards walked over to “help.” They were very friendly, helpful even - asking if we were on holiday and where we were going and suggesting the best exit to use.
Here's the catch! They added another thing for me to do. Managing 3 small children in public is hard enough. Now I had to chat with 2 adults while making sure 3 kids didn’t run off. Because these guys were chatty! It's not like they provided some "essential" information and then departed. They hovered, while asking question after question, and they seemed pretty content to be having this conversation. I imagine doing security is quite boring at times.
Now, instead of just giving Ms.E a moment to recuperate, I felt I had to act. I took Ms.I out of the stroller, found the baby carrier, buckled her into it, and then buckled our bigger girl into the stroller, so we could leave. All while answering their kind questions, and listening to their advice.
They also directed me to a different exit which would be closer to our ultimate destination. Sounds like a good idea, but I knew that exit doesn’t have a lift (elevator). It would have meant that I had to drag Ms.E out of the stroller and make her walk again as I balanced the stroller up the escalator. You see people doing this balancing act with their strollers (child in it) on the escalator here all the time, but it makes me really uncomfortable. Also we have a double stroller and its really too long and too heavy for this balancing act! If I'd taken the advice, my only other option would have been to walk all the way back to the exit I was originally at. Knowing about the lift was confusing too, because I felt like I should be following Security's instructions. Who knows what they thought when I left the way I was originally intending.
Example 2:
Ms.I had a complete meltdown in the grocery store. Her water bottle exploded all over her. She was not impressed. It was lunch time and she was hungry and probably ready for a nap too. She was screaming hysterically in the stroller. I was almost done grocery shopping when this happened. We had no food for lunch at the hotel. I couldn't just leave.
A woman stopped and commiserated with me. She determined we were both Canadians, then she kept chatting, and chatting, and chatting. Meanwhile I'm standing in a grocery store with a full basket, 2 impatient children, everyone is hungry, and my toddler is still screaming hysterically.
Then when I was able to make it clear that I did indeed need to get going, she offered to take the kids down to the food court while I finished shopping. Um, what??? To take my kids away!!! Like out of the store, to another part of a Mall? Sure, that sounds nice, but I just met you! I get that we’re both from Canada, but it’s kind of a big country.
People make this offer to take the kids "away" all the time here. It's all sorts of different types of people too. Is it actually okay to let a stranger wander off with your children here? They're not just being nice; they seem legitimately confused when I turn this offer down.
So in terms of receiving help from strangers, sometimes it's that I don't have time to receive the help, and sometimes it's that the help doesn't seem to line up culturally with forms of help that I'm able to actually receive. I do agree though that we are a bit "do it myself" (as Ms.I would say) in North America.